hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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