Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
