Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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