I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
