I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
