every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
