You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
