please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
