I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
