I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
