So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
