Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
