I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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