I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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