your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
