So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Randomize
