you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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