when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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