So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
