No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
