imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
where are my eyebrows?
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