maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
