I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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