Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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