Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
