friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
