Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
