if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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