so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
