You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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