the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
