You smell like stripper and shame
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
