i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
