sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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