I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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