I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
