The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
