last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
