: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
