i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
