apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
now i know why i became what i already was.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
