Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
