Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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