Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
