Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
