I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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