my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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