Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
