theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
