how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
