I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
