so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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