I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
